


Cultural Exchange

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: Tony, T'Challa, and Their Gaggle of Children [5]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Cultural Differences, Cultural References, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), he's only minorly successful, poor T'Challa trying to adjust to the americans, the next one will have a plot i promise, to be fair Tony is confused about Wakanda at all times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 00:29:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12047529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: They were all getting better at explaining things to T’Challa, which was useful when he always had questions for them.It was less useful when he stumbled across something none of them had any desire to explain.





	Cultural Exchange

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GoodSourceofFiber](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodSourceofFiber/gifts), [DearNymphadora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearNymphadora/gifts).



> Okay the next one is going to have a plot I swear, I just had some ideas for this series and decided to update it. Still, the next one will have plot!
> 
> Also I'd recommend watching the videos I have attached to understand the ending! I hope y'all like it :)

“If we were in the movie It who would die first?” Peter asks and Tony snorts.

“Easy, me because I’d be sacrificing myself so I don’t have to live with the horrifying knowledge that a damn killer clown is on the loose in my small town. We already had those weird clown sightings all of last year,” he points out.

“Yes, your politicians are terrible at their jobs and an embarrassment to democracy,” T’Challa says without missing a beat. He takes a drink of his coffee as the children turn to face him and they all start laughing.

“True,” Riri agrees, “but in all honesty I think Harley would die first.”

“Hey!” Harley says, offended. “I agree with Tony, he’d die first.”

“It goes for kids, Harley, you’re only saying that because you don’t want to be the first to die. I agree anyways,” Kate says and starts snort laughing. Tony flips her off because as a nineteen year old he doesn’t have to take his liberties with her feelings anymore. All of the children flip him off back anyways.

“Don’t the kids from the first half come back to kill it in the second half?” Tony asks, frowning.

“Exactly why you’d die first,” Peter tells him.

“I hate all of you and I’m going to publically disown every single one of you,” he tells them as T’Challa puts down the newspaper he was reading. He had a thing for the news in Wakanda and in America, hell, he probably read all sorts of international news though Tony has never seen him do it.

“Tony, you are not disowning any of them because of some… ‘It’. What are you even talking about?” T’Challa asks.

Harley perks up because he’s a freak and has taken a liking to horror like T’Challa. “It’s a horror movie based on a Stephen King novel. He’s a big horror writer here,” he explains. They were all getting better at explaining things to T’Challa, which was useful when he always had questions for them.

“Hmm. Can’t be worse than any other American horror,” he says in an annoyed tone. Tony had no idea how the man could possibly draw enjoyment out of horror movies but maybe that was because he did a lot of screaming when he watched them. Even if they were in Wakandan. T’Challa had been confused on why Tony reacted so strongly to a movie he had no understanding of so Tony informed him that terror had no set language and also Wakanda used music in movies similar to the way Americans did so he still got all the cues.

“The first one damn near made me shit myself. I was terrified of sinks for weeks,” Tony says, shivering. Rhodey made him go see it with him and they both promptly regretted their decision and agreed never to watch horror movies again.

Harley snorts, “the first one wasn’t even scary, you’re a wimp,” he says.

“A wimp who has wiped out terrorists, achieved world peace for three weeks, and saved the world on multiple occasions,” he reminds them all.

“Did you not also nearly end the world once too?” T’Challa asks.

“One, everyone has their flaws, and two, Bruce helped. We had equal participation even if yeah that was a little mostly my fault. Still saved the world from the genocidal AI though,” he says.

“Bruce was involved?” T’Challa asks, frowning. “The news stories did not mention that.”

“Lesson number one T’Challa, the American media likes to report on things in the narrative that suits them,” Riri says. An unfortunate fact, Tony knew, though finding the whole story wasn’t difficult if you knew what you were doing. It was all in finding reliable sources.

T’Challa frowns, “what use is news told with a narrative?” he asks.

“Does Wakandan news _not_ have a narrative?” Tony asks skeptically. Wakanda liked to think it was awesome but Tony knew how nations that thought they were awesome worked, he lived in one.

“Of course there are news outlets that are dedicated to pushing their agendas, Wakanda is not a utopia. We just tend to look down on those news agencies,” T’Challa says primly. Tony, at least, is not the only one who gives him a skeptical look. “It does not help that those news outlets are more… traditional I suppose.”

“Conservative?” Peter asks to clarify. It wasn’t an illogical assumption given that traditional in America usually fell in line with conservative ideologies but T’Challa wrinkles his nose.

“Not in the American understanding of the word no, our traditions and origins are completely different than America’s though they are no less barbaric in my opinion. Thankfully Wakandan culture is fond of trusting that the king is not a tyrant so people listen to me when I tell them not to believe the… trash those particular media outlets put out,” he says.

That Tony didn’t doubt. He has been one of the lucky few behind Wakanda’s boarders and they had a fierce respect for their king, even those who disagreed with him. Wakanda had an interesting political culture to say the least; it was unlike anything Tony has ever seen. The children all look at him to see if he agrees and he shrugs, “Wakanda’s politics are weird,” he says eventually, unsure why the children were looking at _him_ instead of the damn king of the nation.

“They are not weird, they are different. And less of a mess than American politics are. In Wakanda we are much more connected to each other,” he says. The children look back to Tony and he nods, still unsure why they were looking at him anyways.

“That’s true. Wakanda is a pretty tight knit country.” T’Challa frowns at him so he explains before he can ask, “tight knit is a way to say that your people are close to each other, that they’re very connected, not that you’re literal knitting.”

“It’s a metaphor. Do they not have those in Wakanda?” Harley asks, looking confused.

“Of course we do, but our sentence structure does not follow the American English structure so they do not come out sounding like that. Also we do not compare people to knits, that is bizarre,” he says, looking as confused as Harley had.

“Okay but what happens if you have a shitty king?” Peter asks, eyebrows drawing together as he returns to the earlier subject.

“The public will over throw a ruler if they are not doing their job. This has only happened in history three times,” he says, eyes lighting up as the children start asking more questions about Wakandan traditions. Tony watches T’Challa explain how Wakanda dealt with tyrants, how his grandfather was one of them, and how his father plotted to win the throne back when he was younger than T’Challa because he was a just man who wanted the best for his country. Tony hardly knew anything about the previous king but he had seen the man’s speech on the Accords and, for a brief moment, he had seen T’Chaka’s affection for his son. He couldn’t imagine how T’Challa felt when that explosion went off, especially when his father had been so close only moments before.

He listens to T’Challa talk because he was also curious about Wakanda and it’s traditions and unlike a good portion of his country he was happy to share his culture. In that respect he was more liberal than the people of his country probably liked, and according to him he was also more liberal about Wakandan traditions and sharing them than his father. T’Challa credited this to his adventurous nature and his exploration of the world at a young age that most Wakandans, including his father, didn’t get. Tony had first hand knowledge of T’Challa’s curious and adventurous nature in a number of different ways; it was a good portion of what attracted Tony to him. They had a lot in common that way.

*

T’Challa knew Tony hated these damn functions so he had no idea why he was dragged along until he hears T’Challa muttering Wakandan swear words under his breath. He glares at T’Challa, “how come I had to suffer just because you are?” he asks.

T’Challa looks surprised, “how do you know I am suffering?” he asks. Right, his face didn’t betray his emotions much to anyone who didn’t know how to read him.

“I um… learned some Wakandan swear words,” he says sheepishly.

“You cannot introduce yourself but you know how to swear? Typical,” T’Challa says but he laughs, shaking his head fondly at Tony. Yeah, swear words were always the first things he learned when he learned new languages. He could speak seven and write in twelve. Try as he might though Wakandan was lost on him minus a few swear words.

“Is this,” some politician, Tony didn’t know who in particular, waves a hand at them, “taboo in Wakanda?”

T’Challa’s features move only slightly but the politician wouldn’t know what it meant if he noticed at all. It meant T’Challa’s brief good mood was gone and now he was annoyed. “Yes, dating foreigners in Wakanda is extremely taboo,” T’Challa tells the man. Tony barely keeps his snicker to himself as the politician frowns a little, unsure how to proceed now that T’Challa has given him a taboo he didn’t expect.

“I… no, not that. Well you know,” he says to Tony with a pained look.

This earns him an amused look from T’Challa, “you know what, dear?” he asks with a slight curve of his lips.

“He means same sex pairings,” Tony explains, curious to see how T’Challa would mess with the politician. Tony knew that same sex pairings, while unpopular, were not taboo. In some cases same sex pairings were revered, like within the Dora Milaje. T’Challa had the expectation to reproduce but besides that what he did in the bedroom was not something the country cared about. The lax attitudes to same sex pairings had thrown Tony because he wasn’t used to such acceptance not that this lasted long. T’Challa wasn’t wrong in saying dating a foreigner was taboo and to say Wakanda wasn’t fond of Tony was an understatement. They tolerated their king’s choice in partner though, if only barely.

“And why exactly would same sex pairings be taboo?” T’Challa asks Tony more than the politician who was curious.

“Well here that’s not normal,” the politician tells him.

T’Challa raises an eyebrow, “oh? And I thought the parades and rainbows showing support suggested that there was some kind of normality to it. My mistake,” he says lightly. Tony smiles, remembering the conversation the children had with T’Challa explaining the weird amount of rainbows and the parades when Riri and Peter came back to the Tower covered in glitter and a mess of different colors.

The politician looks a little flustered at that, “well people talk about it but it’s still not normal,” he says.

“What exactly is it that makes same sex pairings not normal?” T’Challa asks and Tony gets what he’s doing now and smiles, shaking his head. The politician seems to clue in to the fact that he was being made fun of but he wasn’t sure how. T’Challa, on the other hand, was likely going to make a whole night out of playing the stupid African just to entertain himself. Tony found it amusing because the joke only lasted as long as the person’s belief that T’Challa really was stupid. He wasn’t by any means even if he was a little ignorant to American culture, but Tony was the same way in Wakanda. Actually he was worse, a _lot_ worse. T’Challa caught onto things quick because he at least knew the language, Tony was relying entirely on body language and it never seemed to go well for him. When he was in Wakanda he mostly stuck close to T’Challa, the Dora Milaje, or Shuri, who shared his genius and fondness for inventing. He rather liked T’Challa’s sister thanks to her intelligence and wit. She was a lot like her brother, but with a much sharper tongue.

“I… oh come on,” the politician says, looking at Tony and drawing his attention back to this stupid political event.

“Why are you looking at me?” he asks.

“Well you know what I’m talking about,” he says in an annoyed tone.

Tony rolls his eyes, “no I don’t. I don’t know if you’re aware of this but you appear to be trying to goad me into admitting my own relationship is somehow unnatural or otherwise unusual because… I have no idea,” he says honestly. Never had really and he grew up in the eighties. Maybe, though, that was because he always knew he was bisexual and he didn’t really have the energy to hate yet another thing about himself.

The politician turns bright red and T’Challa smiles, “pleasure talking to you,” he says and he walks away with an arm around Tony’s waist. “This is why I bring you to these things, you make them so much more interesting,” he tells Tony.

“Glad I could amuse you,” Tony mumbles as he makes a beeline for the food. T’Challa continues to either make an actual conversation about politics or make a fool out of politicians who were stupid enough to think T’Challa was an idiot. Tony mostly sticks around to watch the spectacle because T’Challa’s games were entertaining to him too and because there was food.

He hadn’t expected the conversation to turn to HYDRA but with the amount of increased activity coupled with two people who regularly dealt with the Nazis he supposed it wasn’t entirely surprising. T’Challa, of course, strongly condemned any and all Nazi activity and Tony agreed but Tony was also aware of the affects the rising Nazis had on his country. There was also a rising number of people who sympathized in some way with either some facets of Nazi ideology, HYDRA, of some combination of the two. T’Challa however was completely unprepared for some moron to suggest that maybe these people had something to say.

“These people are disgusting, in Wakanda they would be wiped out,” T’Challa says promptly and in a disgusted tone. So he knew thanks to the children all asking questions about Wakanda’s version of Nazis

The woman snorts and shakes her head, “what, in Wakanda you can’t have different opinions?” she asks in a condescending tone. Tony almost feels bad for her because T’Challa doesn’t even bother to hide his disgust at that.

“Different opinions? Yes, Wakanda encourages them. There are seven distinct regions of the country and there are several different ecosystems to consider plus various cultural distinctions. Different opinions on what laws are being passed especially regarding environmental matters are necessary because different regions need different things. A difference of opinion is suggesting that a new law may not affect all areas equally and should therefore be revised. A difference of opinion is _not_ a genocide of all the people you dislike because they are not like you. The latter is something Wakanda does not tolerate,” he snaps.

The woman goes to open her mouth but Tony jumps in. “He’s right, there is nothing to be learned from Nazis except how not to conduct yourself. After World War Two it’s hard to imagine that anyone could call Nazi ideology an ‘opinion’.” From him it sounded more personable not because he was more right than T’Challa, they’d just take it better because he’s American. He could guarantee that woman’s response would be related to T’Challa not knowing about American traditions or something along those lines. It wasn’t an argument she could use on him.

“What makes you think they’re anything like the Nazis from World War Two?” the woman asks and Tony has to squint a little.

“They’re _Nazis_ ,” he says in a tone that suggests that response was extremely obvious.

“And,” T’Challa throws in, “I would like to point out that promoting violence and hatred towards entire groups of people simply for existing as members of those groups of people is not an opinion, it is oppression and discrimination. Neither one of those things are opinions, they are vial.” His tone is the one Tony dubbed his King Voice and usually he only used it when someone in his own country said something stupid, usually about Tony. It wasn’t a tone he used often because T’Challa didn’t care for pulling rank; he thought it gave him unnecessary status that made him less approachable to the public. Tony could have told him that the way he carried himself, namely like a king, already did that but he didn’t want to burst T’Challa’s bubble. It was nice that he did his best to connect with his people even if he was sometimes unaware that his privileged position was still pretty obvious even when he tried to hide it.

Some other guy offers a brief defense of the woman’s statement about giving Nazis room to speak but T’Challa shuts that down effectively too. He knew what tyrants did to a country, he had said, because his grandfather was one of them. There was no room to speak for people who sought to eradicate or otherwise damage groups of people based on nothing but backwards assumptions. No one really had an argument to that, Tony included, so some other sorry sap changed the subject to the weather. T’Challa gave Tony a look because he didn’t understand the American obsession with the weather as a form of small talk and now Tony couldn’t help but notice how weird it was that people used that as a conversation topic too. The joys of dating someone who wasn’t from your country, he supposed.

*

Tony, in an attempt to get Steve off his ass, tells him he’s sick. He’s only doing it because Steve has been taking too much notice of Tony’s changing armor, which was really Riri’s armor, and he wasn’t ready to out her yet. For now it made sense to keep her identity a secret even from the Avengers. He was currently covering Peter’s ass too and Steve was getting inpatient. Steve had tried to ask T’Challa about things but T’Challa refused to tell him anything.

“Look, no new children this week,” T’Challa tells him as he enters the kitchen to get coffee. The children were gathered around the table with homework and Tony frowns, wondering if they all moved in or something not that he cared. Their parents probably would though so he makes a note to ask them about it later.

“Damn. We should get on getting a new one; someone who would be a challenge to convince the media is mine. They all bought Kate’s story too easily,” he says, nodding to Kate. She was the only one without homework in front of her. Instead she had a stack of fliers that read ‘hero for hire (yes I’m serious)’ and some arrows Tony made her. It was nice to have the younger, better version of Clint around because Tony liked designing arrowheads. They were small and their narrow design made them more of a challenge to work with, which Tony liked. Kate thought the exploding arrows were the cat’s ass and blew up several large blocks of concrete for the fun of it. Tony thought it was fun to watch mostly because Kate seemed to appreciate his gifts more than Clint ever had.

T’Challa looked pained, “how about we do not do that. I have a questions also,” he says, easily swaying the conversation away from more children to something that was sure to distract them all. Tony was still interested in the children but he was curious about T’Challa’s question too. When it was obvious all the children were paying attention T’Challa takes out his phone. “You all know of that absurd [trashcat](http://cracked.tumblr.com/post/161531194468/meekokyu-its-5am-and-ive-been-thinking-about-this) meme that my country has taken an inexplicable liking to. Well they have discovered all the other variations of the meme and they were mostly easy to figure out but [this](https://meme-theft.tumblr.com/post/161570517591/yall-are-lyin-if-you-say-you-watch-spongebob-for) one is… I do not understand it,” he says and he plays the video as the children gather around.

When they get to the end of the clip no one is willing to speak but they all knew why T’Challa and the rest of Wakanda was confused. The video consisted almost entirely of American slang and Tony shakes his head, “this is on you guys. I am _not_ explaining to the freaking King of Wakanda what a ‘krussy’ is.” He had his limits and this was it. He’d sooner take on aliens again than look T’Challa dead in the eye and explain what he just saw.

“Yes, children, what is a ‘krussy’?” T’Challa says, saying the foreign word in an experimental way that made Tony want to die of embarrassment _for_ T’Challa. He exchanges a look with Riri and finds that he isn’t alone in this.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Harley says and he pulls out his phone, “say that again,” he tells T’Challa, phone pointed at him.

Tony goes to tell him not to do that but T’Challa has already frowned and said, “what is a ‘krussy’?” before Tony could save him.

Harley bursts out laughing, “I can’t believe I got the leader of a sovereign nation saying ‘krussy’ on camera,” he says. T’Challa looks very annoyed and a little suspicious.

“What did I just say?” he asks in a commanding tone and for some ungodly reason he looks at Tony.

He puts his hands up, “no, I have opted out of this already. I will not be explaining this to you and since Harley was the asshole who decided to take advantage of you not knowing _he_ can explain it,” Tony says.

Harley whips around to face him, “oh come on, that’s not fair!” he whines.

“It is so, you chose to use T’Challa’s lack of knowledge against him, you get to deal with the consequences,” Tony tells him. It was a good punishment if he did say so himself.

“This is cruel an unusual!” Harley protests.

“So is making poor T’Challa say _krussy_ ,” Riri says, whispering out the last word in obvious shame and disgust. T’Challa glares at Harley, who looks on in abject horror as it sinks in that he was going to have to look an honest to god king dead in the face and explain what he just said.

Tony feels no pity for him because he did this to himself. He invites all the children to breakfast and abandons Harley to his duty partially because leaving him there made his punishment worse and also because Tony didn’t want to die of second hand embarrassment. With the way the kids beat feet out of the house they thought the same thing.

“So,” Riri says when they’re safely out of the Tower, “when are you going to tell Steve that I’m not you? He’s starting to ask me these weirdly specific questions and I get the idea only you know the answers.” Tony swears under his breath because he had no doubt that that was exactly what Steve was doing. He makes a mental note to review all his conversations with her so she could answer his questions and buy them some more time.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
